@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink
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@brunopieroni: "Ok, guys, before you start calling me a pervert, let me just say I found a great source of protein." — The first guy who ever milked a cow.
@GrumpyComments: Batman walks into a Wayne Enterprise meeting and starts talking stocks. He realises he forgot to change. He drops a gas pellet and runs out.
@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when Darth Vader puts eggs in my mailbox and then rides away on a kids tricycle
@shariv67: Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them.