@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink
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@CooIStepDad: [Riot] "WHAT DO WE WANT" *far in the back* PIZZA ROLLS "No Jim we want freedom" "WHAT DO WE WANT" PIZZA ROLLS "JIM" But I'm hungry :(
@BetteMidler: Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life.
@painted_eel: *whispers to old lady at Starbucks* one time they ran out of coffee here and we ate a baby
@Tommytoughstuff: [Meeting] *Gestures to pie chart* "Now as you can see this chart is not nearly as delicious as it sounds."