@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink
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@pauleggleston: I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn't like it, but I found the plinth charming.
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.
@KizerBillhelm: Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs. Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
@peachesanscream: Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.