@bridger_w: "Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years." -Me to some dishes in my sink
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@robotmouthfarts: Kill someone with an icecream cone and eat it afterward. They can't convict with no murder weapon. It's the perfect crime. Plus, ice cream.
@IamEnidColeslaw: watching my cats groom each other and it feels like I should be throwing money at them
@WritePlay: ME: I'VE BEEN SHOT TAYLOR SWIFT: Aw here are some band aids ME: THOSE DON'T FIX BULLETHOLES TS: *picks up guitar* ...brb ME: I'M STILL DYING
@khook32: Apparently telling the principal that "it's not cheating, it's cooperative learning" was the wrong thing to say.