@Reverend_Scott: Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween.
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@kwirkyKerri: Doc: You need to increase your protein intake. Me: *buys the big bag of peanut butter cups*
@markydoodoo: Swiss cheese is cheating cheese cause there's holes where there could be more cheese stay woke.
@_mindflakes: Doctor: We need to double your meds Me: Will I still be able to knit little capes for my hamster? Doctor: We need to triple your meds
@licensedtoverb: Maybe I'll starting bringing a spray bottle and treat them like misbehaving cats. "NO!" *Shoots person in face*