@Reverend_Scott: Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween.
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@theshamingofjay: Thanks for sending your Blackberry pin to my iPhone. When did you get electricity in your cave?
@awkwardphilippe: [creating humans] God: They will have a powerful immune system Assistant: Boring God: ok some will die from eating a peanut A: Nice, nice
@Book_Krazy: ME: [whispering]"Yes, 911? Someone's breaking into my house!" 911: Stay calm. Do you have an address? ME: "um no. I have on pajamas"