@RandiLawson: Then there were 3 sets of footprints & God said "This is Deb. She answered my Craigslist ad & U r the one who said we should try new things"
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@TomHerringbone: I can't believe there's a sex offender registry. Who's buying gifts for these people?
@Jesusontwittorr: To all those telling me this account is a sin - Don't worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later
@hyperblastchic: My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn't recognize him when she was canning pickles.
@SirEvisiae: *breaks into museum* *sprays fine mist to show alarm lasers* *plays a sweet jam on boombox* *krumps right into each beam*