@TheAlexNevil: “Then we are agreed: we shall have a duel to the death at sunrise. And if I oversleep you will start without me.”
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@robfee: Relationships are just two people scrolling through Netflix saying "I don't care, just pick something" until they both turn into skeletons.
@roostermustache: [on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU
@Playing_Dad: [At vet] Me: My dog has been throwing up what looks like egg shells. Vet: What have you been feeding him? Me: Egg shells.
@Phook75: They advertise unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. But I can personally attest that after 9 days Olive Garden asks you to leave.