@carlyken: Most guys propose with a diamond but if you're really smart give her an onion ring that way if she says no you still have a snack.

@Coolisiana: *saves baby from burning building* "How can I ever repay you?!" Favstar in the bio "Oh I don't have Twi-" *returns baby to burning building*

@thenatewolf: Salesman: first time buying a motorcycle? Me: that obvious? Salesman: nobody asks "how loud is the vroom?" they ask "what's the vroomage?"

@joerogan: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

@Eric_Bader: Isn't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don't know what ironic means.