@slimmy_shady: Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree
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@Social_Mime: A car says a lot about the owner. I have a KIA which tells people I have bad credit.
@KentWGraham: I just used one of those plastic grocery dividers to let my wife know exactly where the middle of the bed is.
@SirEviscerate: OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail