@KardashianReact: there are 1,013,913 english words but I never could string together any of them to accurately explain how much I want to hit u with a chair
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@Kyle_Lippert: "I love u" "Umm isn't it a bit too soon to say I love you?" "Oh ha I meant the letter U. What's your fav u word? Mine is Unreciprocated lol"
@themiltron: [God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable.
@WilliamAder: I don't think a single person at the office noticed that I shaved off my mustache. All I heard all day long was, "Where are your pants?"