There are a million designers working on making website buttons have better gradients and none working on the cord that changes how fast your ceiling fan is going. Literally no one knows what speed their fan is on or what will happen if they pull the cord again
You Might Also Like
Whoa new Barbie movie cast is stacked
The great thing about playing the accordion is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.
I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realised it was a motorbike outside
We’re going to the national aquarium tomorrow and we just learned they have a no stroller policy, “for safety.” When my 2yo attacks the sharks I expect they’ll change that policy
#WhenIWasYourAge: We had to open all doors by ourselves. None of them knew we were coming.
Elon Musk Unveils Plan To Put A Meme On The Moon By 2022
One time we sold our house and when we were moving my husband commented how the blinds never collected dust. “Let’s try to buy those same blinds!”
Me, the invisible duster: ok
My daughter will not be fully comfortable until she finds a spot to sit on the living room floor that perfectly blocks her sister’s view of the television.
shampoo implies shampee
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the people living life in peace.
ME: That’s beautiful.
CARL DOUGLAS: Okay, now imagine they were kung fu fighting.
ME: No you’re right that’s better. Carl’s is better.
I accidentally dropped a Tide stick on my Spotify app and now it’s just ify
Alexa, set the neighbor’s fire alarms for 3am.
31 years old, still bitterly disappointed by what “carpool” means.
How does a mule unlock a door?
With a don-key.
#MuleDay #RubbishJokes
[guy who’s about to invent urinals]
*peeing* i hate having privacy
It’s hard to dial for help when you have two Pringles cans jammed on your hands again
Prince Devitt x Low Ki x Kota Ibushi. One of my all time favorite matches. 🔥
*Passing the same coworker in the hallway more than once:
Don’t look at me, I already said “Hi” to you.
Oh you’re a vegan. Name all the plants.
For a brief period, cats delivered mail in Belgium. During the 1970s, the city of Liège “hired” 37 cats to deliver mail in waterproof bags. As expected, the cats weren’t effective mailmen.
me: i should go to sleep
brain: read every political tweet that’s ever been written. let the rage fuel you. sleep is for the weak
My wife is gone for the next 3 days, so if any ladies out there want to come over & yell at me to take out the garbage & not have sex, hmu
Only shaving the parts of my legs where the holes in my jeans show skin isn’t lazy, it’s efficient
Newton taught us that a body at rest will remain at rest, a body in motion will remain in motion, and that figs taste good in cookies.
Soccer has such a high risk of injury. The other day, at my son’s game, I crushed my finger folding up a camp chair.
No one goes to target because they need something. You go to target and let target tell you what you need.
I bought a Mr. Microphone at a garage sale. Now I’m driving around yelling at bad drivers.
Best 25¢ I’ve ever spent.
If the apocalypse was happening the news would have some sort of tracker for it and multiple experts in studio debating about whether it was good or not.
Sometimes I dream I’m a sherpa. Just sherpa-ing up a large mountain made of cheese.
the Purge but instead of killing for 24 hours we get to talk to customers the way they talk to us