@faizziy: There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house.
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@CVTBaby: Me: *mouths I love you* Him: M: *blows kiss* H: M: *adjusts my pajama top* H: *empties the can & hops onto the side of the garbage truck*
@ClickBaite: [Genie] Last wish idiot, impress me. [Me] I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my eulogy [drops dead] [Morgan Freeman] He was an idiot.
@ceejoyner: Some fancy kids just egged my house with quail eggs. I went out to yell, and one of them garnished me with chives.