@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't
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@robdelaney: My uncle was found dead in his office last night by cleaning staff. I'm glad because he wore Crocs to my wedding in 2006.
@Matty_Lombardo: Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that's not it. Keep thinking! We'll figure this out.
@Book_Krazy: "Last call for flight 254" [Runs to gate] "You barely made it" [out of breath] This isnt my flight. I just wanted to tell you I'm a vegan