@Spaziotwat: There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't
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@Douchekevin: Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash. Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home. I'm bleeding. Call 911
@SaltyCorpse: I hate when I get branded "Meanest Mom" so early in the morning. It gives me nothing to shoot for the rest of the day.
@david8hughes: Time traveller: I'm from the future Me: prove it *he pulls out next weeks newspaper* Me: nice try, they've already invented newspapers
@lisaOoOo: I slept with the lights on last night because I missed the light switch with all 8 of the Nerf Darts I shot while lying in bed.