@defdanielle: there are naturally attractive people and then there are people like me who take pictures from good angles with the right lighting
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@AshFrieds: There should be a horror movie where an item associated with childhood innocence is unexpectedly evil
@13spencer: Tonight's Golden Globes taught us that, no matter how much you spend on surgery, nobody looks good while sweaty.
@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"
@AnkCoupleTO: [speaking at an AA meeting] Me: You'll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding *everyone cheers*