We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@CelticMoonDance: There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.
@Staggfilms: I take the Benadryl to fight the allergies.
I take the coffee to fight the Benadryl.
I take the whiskey to fight the coffee.
I pet the cat because the whiskey makes me forgetful.
The cat gives me the allergies...
@HeelyRiddler: for all #parents out there
@darksidedeb: A giant lizard rebuilds Japan and the moonwalks into the sea. #ReverseAFilmPlot
@TEXASVETERAN: Do you want to know how to keep a dummy intrigued?
I'll tweet it tomorrow.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *walks up behind me when I'm on the computer* What game are you playing?
Me: Pay the bills.
5: Are you winning?