@ISOremarkable: if i was a conductor of an orchestra, i would abuse my power by making them warm up to a stirring rendition of "ice, ice, baby."

@KeetPotato: honey, i think the milk's gone bad "i only bought it yesterday" yeah well, look at this.. *milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*

@SortaBad: saleslady: can I help you "yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?" saleslady: ummm just the usual two "nice, nice"

@MikeBigby: Knuckle tats: (M)(Y)(P)(A)(R)(E)(N)(T)(S) (W)(E)(R)(E)(R)(E)(L)(A)(T)(E)(D)

@alextranquada: EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it