@SirEviscerate: There are no atheists in parking lots where you've dropped your phone face down on the asphalt.
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@grammar_c**t: "I love you" can be the most beautiful words you can hear from someone you truly care about, next to "I got this round."
@jwoodham: "Friends" ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, "me having friends" ended long before that.
@baeblacksheep: If laughing is good for you because you use 15 muscles, think how healthy you'll be if you're breaking a chair on someone's head every day.