@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.
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@citizenkawala: Donald Trump has all the resources to be Batman. Instead, he chooses to be Donald Trump.
@TheAlexNevil: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And I'm terrible with decisions, so I went home.
@rockymomax: [me as a magician] *pulls rabbit from hat* AUDIENCE: ooOoOo *pulls knife from hat* A: ooOoOo *pulls sautée pan from hat* A: NNOOOOOO
@StarWarsProblms: Leia: You owe child support. Han: What? I'm in hyperspace. Leia: You're standing right here Han: *makes hyperdrive noises with his mouth*