@jdforshort: There are some problems in life that can be solved with chocolate....others require a full clip and a shovel.
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@joejwest: ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments
@WordUpBitch: The second I feel pressured to do something, I'm out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it's bath time.
@junejuly12: Her: I'm having a dry party. Me: Sorry, I'm busy. Her: You don't even know when. Me: You don't even know me.
@GoldenSpirals: My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it's finished. There's no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.