@twowitwowoo: There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!
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@Brianhopecomedy: Looks like my wife snuck a love note into my pocket which is pretty cute, although I don't know what "DNR" means.
@kumailn: So is tomorrow the day Trump & all his supporters say "April Fools!" & we get our country back?
@TheTweetOfGod: The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church.
@Be___Dope: [text] Her: I picked up buffalo wings. Me: * moves furniture around * rolls out plastic sheeting