@neiltyson: There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who divide everybody into two kinds of people, and those who don't.
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@ImKevinito: My kids are going to be so disappointed when they figure out peer pressure is a myth and they have to actually pay for drugs in high school.
@UncleDuke1969: "Mom?" "Yes?" "Are we having seafood for dinner?" "No, why?" "I heard Dad on the phone." "And?" "He said that he picked up a case of crabs."
@BritXNic: I'm sorry I committed a home invasion but somebody had to do something about those carpets.