@envydatropic: There are two versions of every story and the drunk one is usually the better one
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Fred_Delicious: "Good morning, this is your pilot speaking" ... "AND THIS IS YOUR PILOT SHOUTING" ... "and this is your pilot doing some sick beatboxing"
@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"
@PaperWash: Getting a text from someone when I'm trying to tweet is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.
@ashmensch: "Excuse me, but the sign says 'No shirt, no shoes, no service.' It doesn't say a goddamn thing about no pants." - Me, drunk at Target