@envydatropic: There are two versions of every story and the drunk one is usually the better one
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@KeetPotato: "i said make him fetch" yeah? "what have you done" he looks pretty fetching to me *dog in shirt & tie* does he have a job interview or somet
@tuckerflodman: [halftime] Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas? -I have one. *pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*
@AsgardianRose: Being an adult means I'm in charge of my own bedtime, and I've realized I'm not equipped to handle that responsibility.
@BlakWidowBarbee: Yoga is really kicking in. I'm seeing the definition in my arms and overall flexibility. My vibrator is gonna be really impressed.