@heymonroe: There aren't enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
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@ElizaBayne: Ashley Madison website is having problems. But instead of addressing them directly, it'll just look for a younger hotter website on the side
@Fred_Delicious: *knock at the door* "H...hello?" "Hi, i'm not a mouse" "Phew, that's good because im a large block of cheese, lemme just open thARGGGHHHHHHH
@anildash: Shout out to everybody home for the holidays telling their family about conversations that happened online by saying "My, uh… friend said…"