@heymonroe: There aren't enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
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@gaynorlsimpson: How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you? Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you?
@torrami: My favorite thing about single people is how they champion being single till they like someone then they transform into a hypocritcalpotamus
@Michael_Erhart: Person: "That's a beautiful baby." Me: "Thanks, I named him after his grandpa." Person: "Awe, what's his name?" Me: "Grandpa."
@RamblingMachine: Reflections on this mirror appear uglier than they really are because of the erroneous standards of beauty set by our judgemental society.