@heymonroe: There aren't enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [telling a scary story to a group of moths] and when she opened the door..[holds flashlight to face] she- AH GET OFF OF ME YOU GUYS
@BadJordon: [SPEED DATING] HER: Hi, is this seat free? ME: By all means. HER: *drags chair across room ME: WTF? HER: *laughing, sits with another couple
@fro_vo: Me: can I wish for more wishes Genie: no Me: i wish for $20 then Genie: granted Me: *slides $20 across table* how about those wishes now