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@prncss_fifi: "There can only be one!" -Arab eyebrows
@KimmyMonte: Titanic (1997): a boat gets murdered by an ice cube.
@TrueTorontoGirl: People who say "the future is now" don't understand how time works.
"I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again"
"Oh God, he's paralysed?"
"No, someone's bought him rollerblades"
@mstluvstrinkets: Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to "make elephant! Now teapot!" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball.
@KraftDinerr: I literally never cry, so my body makes up for it by leaking out of different places. My doctor says it's called "peeing" what a dumb idiot.