@Mikecanrant: There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is.
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@internetluke: Man down! Send in back up! *wife comes rushing in the room* "What happened?!" *i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*
@nbadag: DEMON: [roars] KNEEL, MORTAL—IT IS I, BAELROTH THE SPOON-HIDER ME: omg what're u gonna do to me? DEMON: were—were you not listening just now
@TheRolo: Haters gonna hate Alligators gonna alligate Waiters gonna wait Jet Fuel can't melt steel beams Potatoes gonna potate
@EamonToPlease: My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it.