@Mikecanrant: There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Dawn_M_: People say eye contact is important when flirting, but when I put my finger in someone's eye they never seem to like it.
@KalvinMacleod: [lips on a snake] WIFE: what are you doing? ME: getting rid of the poison WIFE: you’re supposed to suck your own bite SNAKE: leave him alone
@Book_Krazy: Don't let him know you're a hologram. Don't let him know you're a hologram. Interviewer: You've got the job! *extends hand* Me: Dammit