@HiddleDeeDee: "There is a policeman in here and he will ARREST YOU." And other inspirational things I say to my kids when we're in public.
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@daemonic3: Kids today are too obsessed with their phones to care about the "free candy" on my van. *crosses off "candy" and writes "wi-fi"
@SteveSuckington: I accidentally caught my nuts in a barbed wire fence and now I'm the frontman of a Maroon 5 cover band.
@rocknthepurple: My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to.