@kolchak: There is a time and a place for accosting people with baguettes (2 p.m., Whole Foods).
@flashember: [Ariel climbs Rapunzel's hair with a dinglehopper between her teeth]
"There can only be one socially awkward Princess," she vows savagely.
@UnIxphysco: I vote for less election coverage
@BellesJar: Friends with an ex?
I don't even want to be friends with my friends.
@Underchilde: You can tell your life sucks when you run into traffic and the cars go around you.
@ThePawfessor: eating red meat increases your chances of dying by 13%. i now have a 113% chance of dying.