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@ThaJawn: Dr: So, how did you dislocate your shoulder? Me: I panicked when the blood pressure machine at the store got tigh- I mean football..
@XplodingUnicorn: Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock and not a bomb, what time is it? Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit.
@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something: -Say "let's have a look" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say "nah it's broken" -Place hands on hips