@ClichedOut: They say someone in the US is bitten by a shark 19 times a year.
@arresteddev: They're upping my charges from prank bomb to non-Arab terrorism.
@WilliamAder: Can't wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
@PetiteRainCity: Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you're working.
@iamnotdiddy: The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket.