@GingerGander: There is a vast difference between an underdog and a loser, the first one has a real chance to win.
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@briancthayer: Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you.
@sixfootcandy: Him: Let's get you out of that dress. Me: Be careful Him: Why? Me: If you tug at my Spanx hard enough, I'll pop open like a can of biscuits.
@patnspankme: When I wear cargo shorts and I need to find my phone I suddenly transform into a baseball coach giving play signals.
@jtswhipped: I saw a woman with a lower back tattoo that said "Classy" and my brain leaked out of my ear.