@MelvinofYork: There is a woman on this plane going on vacation with a cat in a carrier. Because cats love surprises, travel, and unfamiliar surroundings.
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@midnightwhale: [walks up to firefighters trying to put out a fire] it's alright guys i got this one. *whips out a flamethrower* TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FI-
@cwhudson: *taps on a super old dude's oxygen tank* you know that you can get this stuff for free right
@corinnemlwsw: "there's nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
@ComedicBust: GF: What a beautiful weekend. Let's go exploring. Me: [eating Cheetos in my underwear- looks directly at the camera]