@Mikecanrant: There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling "I HAVE THE POWEEER!" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.
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@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] He barely knows who I am anymore "That's not true, Karen" LINDA, MY NAME IS LINDA
@TweetsByTheTony: El Chapo is a murderous Mexican drug lord. El Chapo Supreme is a murderous Mexican drug lord with sour cream, lettuce and tomato.
@13spencer: Relationship advice: Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them.