@Mikecanrant: There is absolutely nothing wrong with yelling "I HAVE THE POWEEER!" like He-Man after cooking an omelette that doesnt stick to the pan.
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@crunchenhancer: I judge the strength of the economy based on what type of candy people hand out on Halloween.
@SuperRandomish: Coworker: "How'd you get that cut above your eye?" Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"
@DamienFahey: I love restaurants that have signs like "Since 1916". It's a great way to know the place you're eating at was probably super racist.
@ilovepie84: My Boss called me immature today so I gave him a wedgie and made fun of his ugly family.