@Cravin4: There is no better karate instructor than a spider web in your face.
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@JasonLastname: Accidentally pronounced wifi as "wifey" and the hotel concierge said the password's helping out around the house and being a good listener.
@Douchekevin: SHHHHH!!!!!!! I just got followed by a Jehovah Witness. All of you keep quiet and pretend we aren't home...
@LisaMcAlister1: There's an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you'd be perfect for the job.
@jake_lach: I don't punish the dog for eating my unattended food because I do the same thing to other people