@Cravin4: There is no better karate instructor than a spider web in your face.
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@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...
@WildeThingy: Boss "I'm looking for a volunteer." Me *chops off own legs "I can't!" Co-worker "I'm busy, sorry." Me "damn, that's a better excuse."
@WilliamAder: What are people in motels doing that they need such a steady and reliable source of ice?