@simoncholland: There is no bigger warning of their behavior than my wife calling them, "your kids."
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@stephenjmolloy: Me with megaphone: "COME DOWN FROM THERE. YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR." Man: "I'm fixing your roof tiles, remember?" Me: "I FORGOT!"
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like.
@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
@Jake_Vig: Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?