@Bearslietoo: There is no "i" in "team," but there is a lot of "alcohol" in my "fridge" because I enjoy abusing my liver.
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@jake_lach: My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement
@juliussharpe: SiriusXM is broadcasting NASCAR because there's nothing more exciting than listening to people drive.
@DanMentos: *passive aggressively turns off Christmas lights when someone stops too long to look at them*