@CMHorrocks: "There is no 'I' in team!" Steve Jobs yells at his iTeam.
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@JohnLyonTweets: [hell] Me: Why am I here? Devil: You told people you'd say hi to other people 3,789 times but only did it 4 times. Me: OK that's fair.
@iwearaonesie: girlfriend asks you to get wine: You're getting laid wife asks you to get wine: You're getting yelled at
@KattWillFerrell: DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
@zacharyflynn: If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy.