@CMHorrocks: "There is no 'I' in team!" Steve Jobs yells at his iTeam.
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@amydillon: When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.
@SortaBad: Just finished my book about how to get laid at bars. It's called The Girl With the Lower-Back Tattoo.
@Sickayduh: [First date] Her: I'm really glad you asked me out yesterday in the park Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog?
@Thrill_Tweeter: H: "What do you want for Valentine's Day?" "A puppy." "Pick something else." "A different puppy."