@Carbosly: There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I'll kill you all.
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@TheMichaelRock: The Zika virus can now be transmitted sexually. Luckily, most of you have nothing to worry about.
@WilliamAder: Co-worker playfully snapped my suspenders and now everyone in the office knows my safe word.
@Darlainky: Dental hygienist: Whew! You’re all done with your cleaning. That took a bit longer than I expected. Me: *maintains eye contact while biting into Oreo* Thanks.