@Marlebean: {Company meeting} Pres: Our biggest fears have come true... *I run to check on the donuts *Stroll back in, spitting crumbs "what's wrong?"

@itshotterhere: *calls you by wrong name in bed, blames autocorrect*

@FabMommy29: If you wear oversized sweats to the grocery store, and an attractive man smiles at you, is it a flirty smile or a pity smile?

@dxblarssonENG: Top three reasons he doesn't text you back: 1. He's just not that into you 2. He's imaginary 3. He's a cat

@AlmightyBored: Me to my 18yo, who doesn't like chocolate: What do you crave when you have your period? Her: Justice.