@Kim_pulsive: There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and 5 Tweens seeing a bug
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@my_minivan_life: Just told my two kids that I love them both equally and the one with his shoes on the wrong feet totally bought it.
@pleatedjeans: [junkyard dog barking viciously and running directly at me] Me: Wow he must really want me to pet him
@AGreaterMonster: My mom sent me a two paragraph email to inform me that she had called customer service and received $17 off her flight to see me.
@bananagrvyrd: So apparently you're supposed to change the lint filter in the dryer more than once a year firemen are hot