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@tjinscot: There is no "we" in chocolate.
@CaniacMONK: I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year.
@kumailn: [God making trees]
God: "They're alive but not. Every now & then they drop food."
Angel: "I don't--"
God: "Also they breathe the opposite."
@juliussharpe: At the very highest level of karate, they give you pants that fit so you no longer need a belt.
@omgthatspunny: A lawyer-turned-cook is a sue chef.
@chuuew: To save a bit of money on e-cigarettes I've started to roll my own batteries.