@tjinscot: There is no "we" in chocolate.
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@tastefactory: [ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen
@hilariouswifey: I don't always look at my phone at a red light; but when I do, I look up to see a cop right beside me.
@AndyRichter: Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone
@breatheandlove: The good news is, that bag of clothes from 1998 that I still haven't taken to the donation centre…they are back in style now.