@Ideal_Victoria: There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a child being chased by a seagull.
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@HiddleDeeDee: Eight hours into this family road trip I realized my lifelong vow to avoid illegal drugs was stupid.
@fro_vo: Date: any pets? Me: a pet rock D: lol at least u don’t have to housetrain it Me: *flashback to piles of pebbles all over my house* haha yeah
@JediGigi: My Mom taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated so I always walk up to strangers and spray canned cheese in their mouth.
@maurex23: WINDEX CEO: listen, I can't have you making puns anymore. EMPLOYEE: okay, I just want to make things clear-- CEO: you're fired.