@Ideal_Victoria: There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a child being chased by a seagull.
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@brideylee: On the list of things I fear the most, "death" comes in as a close second to "audience participation"
@TrueTorontoGirl: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car? Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I've looked.
@JonasPolsky: I was about to commit suicide, but then a Nicki Minaj song came on the radio -- so I committed suicide twice.