@Ideal_Victoria: There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a child being chased by a seagull.
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@ericsshadow: [wearing a 'World's Greatest Dad' t-shirt while talking to the bartender] "The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8."
@CornOnTheGoblin: [sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?
@LeviathanPride: Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?
@ch000ch: woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing