@MommaUnfiltered: There is nothing quite as genuine as hearing from a friend you haven't seen in forever and finding out she sells Avon now.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: 80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction.
@CindyBegel: Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, "EARTHQUAKE!" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared
@ClichedOut: Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Incredible Hulk: Int: Hulk: Is that a trick question?