@Breadery: There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life's face to find she has deflated in the night.
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@joeljeffrey: I waited around all morning for the mailman so I could grab his hand through the mail slot.
@TheToddWilliams: [grocery produce aisle] ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?