@thedayofthedot: there is nothing wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with being nice to people.
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@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
@ThatScoop: Guy: What do you do? Me: I tell jokes on Twitter G:No, I mean, what do you do to support yourself? Me: I tell myself that they're good jokes
@PaperWash: I noticed you're eating that bag of popcorn one piece at a time. So how many people have you murdered?
@kyry5: The reason I switched from a backpack to a messenger bag is so that I look more classy and professional carrying nothing but snacks to work.