@thistletat13: There seems to be a direct correlation between how many rosaries you have hanging on your rearview and how shitty a driver you are.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: drank a Mike's Hard Lemonade & crashed my dirt bike into a mailbox RT @McDonalds Good morning! How was your weekend?
@NicestHippo: Facebook has a link to "Report a Problem" so I wrote "I'm not very close with my father." Now we wait I guess
@Shingaboop: Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly