@TheCatWhisprer: There should be an Uber for somebody to come over and wrap all your presents.
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@RealPrincessKim: Find a group doing river baptisms. Release LSD into the water upstream. Bring friends in devil costumes. Cavort and frolic on the riverbank.
@Taylor_Stag: My flight was delayed 3 hours so I was doing what any human does when they’re bored. Minding my own business swiping through tinder & the guy behind me goes “ouch hard no for that one?” And I turn around ONLY TO SEE THE MAN I JUST SWIPED NO ON BEHIND ME HAHAHA
@WheelTod: [Raiding ISIS Safehouse] Green leader: Area secured. Over Me: Apple Turn. Over GL: Wha Me: Extreme make. Over GL: Take that guy out too
@Tmoney68: Me: This has been the worst day. Nothing can fix this. *dog climbs on sofa, puts head in my lap* M: I have never been happier in my life.