@TheCatWhisprer: There should be an Uber for somebody to come over and wrap all your presents.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@GingerHotDish: Nothing prepares you for the love you have for your children, or for your own ability to say I don’t know a million times a day without snapping their adorable little necks.
@NewDadNotes: [doorbell rings] Me: [opens door] yes? Kidnapper: look I know you haven’t paid the ransom yet but-[hands toddler back]
@10InchesPlus: On the bright side, every moment Bieber spends Tweeting is a moment he isn't spending recording or performing music.
@weinerdog4life: The cops say I have to stop trying to fist fight the guy who tries to feed my house letters everyday.