@JermHimselfish: There used to be 9 planets, just like there used to be 9 members of Wu-Tang, but then ODB died so they had to kick Pluto out of the group.
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@HeyoShellz: [sees a woman eating pizza on the hiking trail] Me: hi I think we were separated at birth
@Mr_Kapowski: "Will you marry me?" "The cookie was poison" "The lotto numbers will never win" Examples of why I got fired from writing fortune cookies
@darinlovesbacon: Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
@slimmy_shady: Breaking news!? Shark sighting off Daytona shores. It's the ocean! That's where they live. I saw a bird in the sky. Report that too!