@jonnysun: there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin "i miss america" and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash
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@HollyMemphis: Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head, "Guess who got laid last night?"
@shawnspree: Friend: How many calories does heartache burn? Me: Depends on how many calories are in the person you are setting on fire.
@fillthevacuum: Got out of the car and dropped my keys in the gutter. They landed next to my mind, which I thought I'd lost.