@PMTheron1: There was a praying mantis in my room so I stealthily grabbed a shoe and smashed my 2nd-story window and jumped out.
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@vinfury: Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
@UnFitz: Her idea of extending an olive branch was to sharpen one end first, then extend it REALLY hard.
@bourgeoisalien: My cat just wrote the Great American Novel. Let me read you a page, "Meow meow meow meow meow meow." Dunno, think it's a little pretentious.