@badbanana: There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I'm supposed to stop reading the internet.
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@Dustinkcouch: If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay.
@Jam453Lane: When someone uses the bathroom and asks about the wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
@nishadtrivedi: If you feel trapped in your body with no way out, just think about that guy in the middle of a conga line.
@TheMichaelRock: [trying to be the cool dad] me: what is up lit fam 15yo: dad, please stop me: what are the goals of your squad