@JohnHilsen: There were over 14,000 wars before McDonalds launched the Dollar Menu. Since launching it, there's only been 32. Those are just the facts.
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@Black__Elvis: I was in an Arby's bathroom taking a leak and the urinal cake fell to the floor but it was there for less than 5 seconds so I still ate it.
@dafloydsta: [therapy] "Where does your fear of spiders come from?" *flashback to Spider-Man trying to kiss me behind Applebees* They're just creepy okay
@abrianmc: I covered my gf with dough and raisins and put her in the oven to annoy her. Hell hath no fury like a woman sconed
@geekysteven: DORA: "Swiper, no swiping!" SWIPER: "oh, man" *Wealthier fox shows up, swipes everything* DORA: "That's OK, it'll trickle down"