@DionneMcNutt: There's 3 ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it.
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@Underchilde: If you drop food on the floor in public, it’s proper etiquette to look around and see who noticed before shoving it in your mouth.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Stop spending all our money ME: Okay, fine [later] WIFE: *visibly angry* WTF? ME: *zooming by on a new Segway* RELAX KAREN, I STOLE IT
@skullpuppy11: My cat said "meow", so I answered with a "meow", and now I'm afraid of what I may have agreed to.