@Bandersnaaatch: There's a bird in the yard and she's shaking her tail feathers in hope of attracting a mate. HE SHOULD LOVE YOU FOR YOUR BRAIN, I yell.
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@kxthleen: other girls wearing low ponytails: smart, classy, professional, beautiful me wearing a low ponytail: will turner in pirates of the caribbean
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
@iGreenMonk: Just waved back at someone at the gym who was waving at the person behind me and now I'm looking for a new gym.