@Bandersnaaatch: There's a bird in the yard and she's shaking her tail feathers in hope of attracting a mate. HE SHOULD LOVE YOU FOR YOUR BRAIN, I yell.
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@KateWhineHall: "...This one is TOO big. This one is JUST right." -my daughter, picking out her preferred public toilet.
@IamEnidColeslaw: my signature move is called "the Mouse," where I run around the dance floor wearing nothing but a tampon
@1Happytwit: If you're already in the cop car, I really can't see how puking in it could make things any worse.