@BawseLady: There's a book called "Why Women have sex" by Cindy Meston. The author also wrote"Why Men have sex" but I'm guessing thats just a pamphlet.
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@tigersgoroooar: Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
@cbdoubleu: [Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast.
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my Mom that I was going to the Apple store and she said, "You sound like you're 4 - it's the grocery store".