@NikiWithIssues: There's a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule.
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@SamGrittner: I've honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
@hello_saylor: My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: "I enjoy receiving a paycheck."
@squirrel74wkgn: *looks over shoulder* *puts tiny piece of paper in trash* Wife (from upstairs): THAT CAN BE RECYCLED!!!